From the Present:

I managed to make it through nearly the whole summer of 1994 without journaling. At eight years old, that’s just the way it should be. I was too busy rabble rousing through the neighborhood to take time to write down all the awesome shit I was probably doing, like catching frogs and toads, stealing baby birds from nests, filling up a box with animals bones and contemplating life’s deeper questions. “Is it possible to eat ten cakes in one day?”

If I recall correctly, that was also the summer I became “Muscle Masher” the superhero. My superhero costume consisted of a ski mask and a blanket. My powers of make belief only went so far and I realized that I was not really saving anyone. I was basically just walking around my neighborhood pretending to fly. And what kind of superhero doesn’t save people?

Even back then, I recognized the importance of marketing. I made flyers and posted them around the neighborhood saying, “A real superhero has come to town.” Then I drew pictures of myself in my super hero costume and said that if anyone needed help they could call me. I put my address and phone numbers on them and posted them on dozens of telephone poles around my neighborhood.

In hindsight, I was lucky there were no child molesters living in my neighborhood, as I had naively listed exactly where I lived and how to get a hold of me.

They certainly could have called me up and said, “Hey kid, I’m trapped in the creepy child-molester van behind your house. Come rescue me.”

But thankfully, the worst Muscle Masher faced was other neighborhood kids tying him to a tree in an effort to prove that he did not have the super powers he claimed to.

I still obsessed over Jessica that summer, and the worst thing that could have befallen my now nine year old life happend: Jessica’s mom began babysitting the third grader that Jessica likesd, my arch nemesis Kyle!

From the Past:

August 2nd, 1994 – Age 9

I haven’t said anything about my summer vacation. My grandparents are visiting and this is the bad part. Jessica is baby-sitting Kyle. Oh and we got a new dog named Gasper.

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